So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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