a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
