Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize