that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
