Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
