we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
