Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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