we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
