God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
