she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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