She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
