OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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