I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
