high people should be assigned attendants
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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