it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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