I'm so fucking centered right now
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
