Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
