I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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