i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
