The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
