Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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