it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
