My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
