This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
