I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
