allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
