so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
