Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
