Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
