This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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