Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
