Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
