Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
