I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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