you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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