I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
