so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
