i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
