Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
