If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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