anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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