this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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