You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
