she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
