Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
