epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
