just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
