I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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