My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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