Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
