I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
