I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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