I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
