i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
