I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
