I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
