Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How does one acquire holy water?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
