So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
