i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
