Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
