what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
