i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
