I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
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