I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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