I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
