im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
