the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
