You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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