it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize