Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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