you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
