awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
