Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can text with my tongue
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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